Embracing your authentic self as a gay mom is a wonderful (and beautiful!) journey filled with love and acceptance. Just like the heartwarming TikTok videos that celebrate the joy of lesbian moms, sharing your true self can be a special and memorable moment for your child.
“Coming out to a child can be a rewarding and challenging experience. There is no magic recipe to follow, and many times it can be the beginning of a much longer conversation. But you are already doing the work; simply by taking the time to consider how to sensitively approach coming out to your child brings intentionality to the conversation that will promote a deeper connection,” our friends at Family Equality share in one article.
In fact, children may be more perceptive than you think, and regardless of their age, sharing your truth can be an extremely meaningful step in building a stronger mother-child relationship. But if you're feeling stuck on where to start, it’s okay!
We’ve gathered six uplifting ways to tell your child that you're a lesbian mom, below.
6 ways to tell your child you’re gay
1. Tell them in a private, safe space
First thing’s first: always make sure to start this meaningful (and sometimes emotional) conversation in a place that is private and safe for you both.
“Tell your child/ren in a private space where the conversation can’t be overheard and will be completely confidential.” Family Equality recommends, “Telling them at your regular Saturday night dinner at your favorite restaurant will be overwhelming and may not provide the space they need to process the information emotionally.”
By starting this in a safe place, you’re showing your child how much you care, and how much you want to consider their feelings and emotions, too.
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2. Use the power of story time magic
If your little ones are a bit younger, you can also consider using stories to tell yours. Start by choosing a favorite storybook that features diverse families and characters — we really like Love Makes a Family by Sophie Beer or My Two Moms and Me by Michael Joosten.
As you read together, it’s an easy way to also seamlessly incorporate your own journey into the narrative and explain how you feel. This gentle approach allows your child to grasp the concept of diverse family structures while recognizing the love that exists in your family.
3. Listen and ask questions, too
“Listen and ask your child what they already know and feel about LGBTQ+ people, both as a starting point for them to discuss sexual orientation and gender identity, as well as regarding suspicions they may have had about you,” Family Equality suggests.
Open the floor to your children, big or small, because they’ll probably really appreciate being understood and heard, just as much as you do.
4. Start out by watching an LGBTQ+ film
If you’re nervous about jumping right in, try suggesting an LGBTQ+ film for the next family movie night, and afterward, initiate a discussion about the film's themes. This can be a perfect segue into sharing your personal journey, fostering understanding and acceptance.
5. Remember that it can be an on-going conversation
The coming out conversation with your children isn’t just a one-time thing. In fact, it’s something that can come up quite a lot, especially if they’re inquisitive and curious. They may have questions and feelings that come up over time, so be prepared to talk about it a lot — or not at all.
“Your child’s thoughts, feelings, and questions will continue and might change over time. This month they might not care, next month they might be mortified, and next year they may have lots of questions,” Family Equality says, “Keep the conversation alive by planning time to talk about it as a family or one on one.”
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6. Having a family dinner at home
Host a family dinner that feels intimate, quiet and perfect for any questions or emotions that may come up. You can even cook, or bake together, while you share more about your sexuality.
According to Family Equality, when we come out our children, they also become part of a new community, and it can be really helpful to let them know that they can find folks to talk about it with (that isn’t just you) so that they have time to process, if they need it.
We get it — embracing your identity as a gay mom is a huge step in your life — but it’s also one that can create an open and loving family environment. By sharing your true self, your honesty and love lay the foundation for a stronger, more accepting family dynamic, and a closeness with your child(ren) that they will always remember.
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